Let me tell you about the portal. This particular portal is always the place we want to go but never where we want to stay. It is home to purple monsters and sometimes Thanos. The door in is always open but seldom allows inhabitants out unless they have the special crystal. It locks you in a loop of monster attacks, revival, playing house, and going to jail. It is the Hotel California of a child’s imagination, and I am trapped.

The portal has become the go-to game for lulls in playtime. It is always the same, encompassing several storylines on repeat and never reaching resolution. We go through the portal (a door) and find the purple monster’s lair (a large box). We sneak up on the lair ever so stealthily (at least I do), and shockingly, the purple monster always wakes up. What’s his defense mechanism? Fearsome teeth? Roaring? No, he pukes, and if you get touched by the puke and its magically winding trajectory, you get turned into a monster whose sole purpose is turning the portal’s other inhabitants into monsters. Fun fact though, purple monster-ism can be reversed simply by receiving an imaginary electrical shock, so in case you ever find yourself in that situation, remember that valuable life hack.

Eventually, the purple monster pulls someone into the lair after a cycle of “dying” and being “revived”. At this point, someone (me) usually finds the crystal to unlock the portal and escape, ending the nightmare. Another encounter with the purple monster was survived. Tomorrow, if no suitable portal can be found (unlikely), the game of the night will probably be Cops & Monsters which, once again, stars the purple monster. This time, however, he’s behind bars doing hard time. Plot twist spoiler alert, he is going to escape.