Folks, we have a problem. My girlfriend says I am too loud when I play video games. I know, that is absolutely ridiculous. Let me break it down and show why she is unequivocally incorrect.

First, I play in a designated game room which happens to serve as an office during the day. This was originally my office that I graciously surrendered for her to use during the day while we are at home amidst the great COVID-19 pandemic of 2020 (what it will likely be called in history texts). Since I now spend my days tucked away in a hovel of a craft room without any windows, with all my enjoyable hobby items residing in MY office, I am naturally going to gravitate to that room in the late afternoon and evening. Somehow, however, it has become more of a shared space during those times, which itself is not an issue, but you can start to see how, when dealing with a girlfriend, when a “my” space becomes a “shared” space, it really becomes “her” space. Essentially, I have been hoodwinked out of my sanctuary.

Second, my girlfriend now also uses the designated game room for gaming purposes. This was a happy development, as for the first year of our cohabitation, she would be off in another part of the house playing whatever, so our mutual desire to game meant ignoring one another, never the healthiest of qualities in a relationship. Gaming out of the same room, therefore, seemed like such the perfect solution! In order to not completely annoy her with the sounds from my game or the inane drivel from game chat, I donned a gaming headset that provided an immersive experience by injecting explosive sound directly into my ear canals while effectively blocking out environmental interruptions. Keep in mind, I did this for her benefit. We are still spending time together in the same room, often playing the same game, and I have even taken to wearing one ear cup moved to the side so I can engage her in conversation.

Third, see above: I use a headset that mostly blocks environmental noise. I must mention here, the headset is designed first for PC and, therefore, lacks sidetone, self-monitoring, functionality on console, which is where most of my gaming occurs. Without the presence of a sidetone, it is difficult to gauge the volume of my voice. In the midst of a chat or a particularly intense moment in a competitive multiplayer game, the occasional outburst may rise to a volume that is startling for someone else in the vicinity. Once again, I feel compelled to mention I wear the headset for her benefit.

Fourth, video games are meant to elicit an emotional response. If I am playing an online competitive game, a glitch or some baloney elimination due to lag or unfair advantage on the other players’ part (knowing without a doubt that is the only way I can be bested…), is obviously going to warrant a frustrated venting. In these moments, vocal output cannot always be appropriately modulated and may be louder than anticipated. In this COVID world of socially distanced activities, online gaming or chatting is the primary way of keeping in touch with my siblings. We are a competitive lot, and that determined nature can exhibit outwardly in elevated discourse sometimes aided by alcohol, a key ingredient in the cocktail of fun and a natural internal sound amplifier. It is important, therefore, the experience is not dampened by limiting the volume! You would not tell the Foo Fighters to play quieter or fans to hush when cheering their team! This is a completely identical situation and should be considered equally untouchable.

Fifth, and lastly, I am the loudest person in the house. I say this in loving jest, but when my girlfriend is on a video call, the entire house is also part of the video call. Turn up the volume, fire up the vacuum cleaner, or don a pair of noise cancelling headphones, because even behind closed doors, her voice will not be denied. Outside of online hijinx, our new favorite pastime, apparently, is trying to have conversation while on different ends of the house and then being incredulous when the other has no recollection of what was conveyed during said conversation. The volume issue only applies when interacting with others – oh, the double standards.

I love my girlfriend and would not have our relationship be any other way. There is no need for me to be a loud jack-ass either, but sometimes, it is impossible not to get caught in the moment of sharing a riotous laugh or decrying an online injustice. These are the peccadilloes that make a house a home, people unique, and a relationship interesting. If a little playful banter about our respective volumes is the worst it gets, I think we will be okay.